my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
