I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
