I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
