My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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