Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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