I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
