omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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