Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
