last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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