Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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