I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
