You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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