Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
