You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize