I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
