dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
