she woke up with a sticky ear
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
