I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
