So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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