So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
