Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
