I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
