yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
