I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
