Nicole vs. Life
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
