My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
