I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
