Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
