girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
