Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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