that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if only i could text you this smell
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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