Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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