Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
