I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
