Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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