ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
