my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
