Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
