My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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