it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
