Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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