I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
