running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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