It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
