I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
