I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize