____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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