You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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