You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
