I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
