Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
