um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize