The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
