God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
