I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
