weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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