Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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