I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
