I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
barbara walters just said penis...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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