Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
