I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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