were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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