pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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