Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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