this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Girls should come with a carfax report
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
