Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
