the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
