i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
