i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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