Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
