There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
