I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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