Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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