can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
