You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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