She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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