So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
