Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize