Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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