Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
