Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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