We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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