I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
