We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
