What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
