I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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